I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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