Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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