Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
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Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
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My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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