Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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