I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
