I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
