he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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