he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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