Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize