You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
