i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
