To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
