ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
