Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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