So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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