glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
