The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
