what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
