It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
