I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He has the fingertips of a God
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