literally had 100 drinks last night.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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