I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
