Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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