My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
