Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
