Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
