I wish I could teleport
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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