I CAN MOONWALK!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
