there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
