i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
