I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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