She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize