There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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