your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This is my gift to your gina
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
