I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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