the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
