your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
