I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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