I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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