they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
