drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
