the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
