Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
