i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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