So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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