i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
