1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
