I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
