he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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