I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
