i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have already put on my inside pants.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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