i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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