Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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