Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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