This girl is more easily done than said...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
