my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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