There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
