And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
