So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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