I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
